feelings for her by Vishal Singh (books to get back into reading .txt) 📕

was again complete silence, but we were not
looking at each other, even we were avoiding to
look at each other faces, I was just driving & then I
dropped her at girl’s hostel. Even we didn’t say Bye
to each other, I drove straight back to my room,
Both Ankit & Deepak were sleeping, I went for
terrace but without any cigarette (pointing it to
Yaadi) as our heart knew that they are loving each
other, My binoculars could see her, there dancing
with her pillow, jumping. She was looking like she
had discovered the best way of living & I was
equally excited too. I Octided that next morning I
will propose her infront of whole AIT, as I was very
confident about that she loves me. I sung about 15
songs in those two hours, Even she was also not
going for sleep this time, She updated a status as”
It’s the best day of my life. I want it to be freeze
forever ”, & the first like came from my
side though we didn’t chat as we were very shy to
each other at that moment…… I still believe it to be
one of the best day of my life……..”

Yaadi,” So romantic Yaar, So, it was the day which
made you mark ‘C+D’ over this lighter, haan? More
importantly, she accepted that she loves you, What
else can you want from your life? Yaar but you have
to face the reality now, so make it for 11th one, this
11th cigarette will help you to bear that much pain,
time is running, Hurry up! Fast!........ ”

Suddenly Jay vomits, he is vomiting in blood,
blood there all over that copy, blood is rushing
through his nose, He runs towards bathroom………

 

Chapter 11

 

Mayur Vihar, Delhi……….
13 Oct, 2014 ; 04:00a.m..

Jay takes about 15 minutes to wash the blood
flowing through his nose, mouth over his body, He
comes back to the mirror & lights his 11thcigarette..

Yaadi,”Are you alright? Shall we move forward?”

Jay(Kissing that cigarette passionately),”Ya,
Bhai, Nothing can harm your brother except Love,
Ya, I was there at terrace waiting for the next day,
My first & last propose to her, Drishti Gupta. It was
about 3:00 a.m., my phone rang. For the very first
time in my hostel life, it was Dad’s call. I received
but what I got to know was really shocking, My
Mother was no more. She was a Cancer-victim. I
was completely puzzled, I didn’t know why I was
abusing myself though she had never treated me as
her son except the last time when she did, after all
she was my mother, I am here because of her, my
life is given by her. I kicked Apache and accelerated
it to the top gear, in a very short time I was at home
( with no thoughts about Drishti….). My mother’s
body was brought back to home………

Jay starts crying, he is crying, crying…. He moves
towards his mother’s photograph hanging opposite
to that of mirror, He is touching her feet, he is
regretting himself for being rude with her without
knowing her, He is crying a lot & lot, Then he
manages to continue…………

I slept that night with her Dead body, with endless
tears in my eyes, But what made me bursted into
tears was……….

Jay takes out a piece of paper at the back of his
mother’s photograph………….

……was this Yaadi, My mother’s note for me which
my Dad handed over to me after her funeral, He
asked me to go through that note which contained
all my questions to my Family & to the word Love…
I’m reading it for you Yaadi…..

Hi! Jay Beteiy, This is your Mom. Betiey I
know it is impossible for you to forgive me and
your Daddy as we were never there with your’s
childhood, teenage and now…….. But Beteiy it’s
not that we don’t love you. We love you though
we have never let it clear to you, I’m sure you will
be reading this when I have left you alone again.
Look betiey it’s very difficult for me to share the
reason with you, but now it’s time to make you
clear about the truth, me and your Dad was
living with……….
I was having Liver-Cancer, Its medical
treatement was going on, but it was not sure
that whether it could be completely treated or not,
I was afraid about my Life. Your Dad is one of
the best person for you and me, He loves me a lot
and can’t see my pain like you love Drishti [
Beta sorry for reading your personal chat
messages, but I was always there with you, with
your football match, with your entarance
results, with your clothes which I liked to wash
them by my hands, to cover you blanket at
terrace…. I was always there but just I didn’t let
it clear to you…. ], Your Dad also loves you a lot,
he was afraid of coming in contact with you as
if he came then he would have to tell the reality I
was loving with, he used to visit your Hostel
room when you came back to home, for knowing
the condition in which you are living with. He is
very proud of you, for getting such excellent
ranks….. He likes your self-made path but he
never said it to you. I didn’t want to come in
contact with you because I was afraid of that
word Love, if I trapped myself in my son’s love
then it would have pained me a lot, at time of
Death. Ya, I loved to go on tours, I wanted to see
the world before my death for which your Dad
was paying a lot. You know Beta, when one
knows his time of Death, How much difficult it
becomes for him or her to love other, So was for
me. Just I was loving my life, I never loved your
father but he loved me a lot because love never
expects anything in return. Now I am regretting
as I had never shown my love for you, How could
I forget that Love is sweetest thing….. Love is all
above…. Please forgive your Mother…… Beta at
last, I want to tell you one thing, Never expect
anything in return of love, Love is God, If you
know it then you know the truth. Again Please
forgive me, Jay you are the best son in this
world I know. I am dying, Please bid farewell to
me with smile not with tears, though I was never
nearby you but my Love was always there with
you…………… My last words for you Beta……
Live the life for, ‘Just One Word, Love’
--------Your loving Mom….. ”

You saw Yaadi, How much wrong I was for my
family, for my life, for the word LOVE….. It was
always Home, it was I who was wrong to call it
graveyard. Her death made me aware of the reality
of word, Love. This time, in my eyes there was
feeling of respect, of love for my family, for this
world. She had left me with a vision in my eyes, to
love the life. For the very first time, I got to know
about Shambhu Kaka ji’s last sentence. My mother’s
death had made me weak from inside, I was trying
to recover. I was not attending any call from
Drishti, not classes. Even I didn’t return back to
college for about 2 months, I was finding the
impression left by her love in my home. My father
was very happy, seeing me reckoning their Love.
Ya, I could feel her now very close to my heart,
when I ate food my mother’s soul was with me,
when I was at terrace my mother’s soul was with
me…. After knowing that My Mother’s love, I found
myself 100% fit & I Octided to return back to the
college. This time not with my Driver but with my
father driving for me, He also talks like me, His
jokes are equally humorous like mine, After all I’m
his blood. My heart was very happy now though I
had lost my Mom as now I had her Love & my father
back. After reaching hostel room, Deepak told me
everything How Ankit proposed her infront of
whole AIT, He proposed her 3 times, first two times
she didn’t accept his proposal but after waiting for
me since a long, she accepted her 3rd proposal. I
know it was not her fault, but equally it was not
mine as my mother’s love was equally important for
me. Anyway She would be happy with him, Ankit is
a nice guy. It was I who betrayed my brother Ankit,
You can never say it true Love if you are betraying
someone like I did. If I considered my love to be
true then I have to wait for her. My love for hostel
terrace grew more, My fingers on guitar were
completely set. I used to play guitar for her…. She
was always there at her room, always smiling but
not so happy like she was with me. I hope I could
tell her truth of not attending her phone calls. I
didn’t tell anyone about my mother as I believed
that she was not died, she was still with me. Every
song from my heart was for her. I Octide that from
now, I will not come in her way, just I’ll wait for her
forever, for the day My love will sound in her heart.
Then it was the time of recruitment, Companies
started coming to AIT for placements, Drishti &
Ankit were placed in Samsung Electronics Ltd., I
didn’t take part in that procedure as I Octided to
work for my father as manager for his company
JaypeePrivate Ltd. (Dealing with Hardware of
computers), after my engineering. My 3 years were
almost over there at AIT, a lot had happened to me.
But the better side of those 3 years was, I now knew
What is LOVE? Now, it was the time for 4th Year, I
wanted to live it as best as possible. Also as Deepak
& Ankit were also placed, we were enjoying that
year without any tension, we used to play football,
basket-ball, rugby at night with other Hostellites
though Ankit joined us very late after spending
time with Drishti. Drishti & me, started avoiding
each other though I never wanted it to be. She
started behaving as she just doesn’t want to see my
face in her whole life. She looked happy with him
but was she? I didn’t know & I too pretended like I
didn’t want to know. Like every day about 2:00 a.m.,
I was on terrace with eyes focused to her, She was
making phone call to some one & Ankit’s phone
was ringing but he was slept, She was trying a lot….
I ran to pick up the phone, just to get her voice, I
took her call then……….

Drishti,” Hey! Ankit, Why aren’t you picking the
phone? How can you sleep when you have
promised me to dedicate a poem to me? Are you
listening? You love me, but can you make it feel to
me? Hey Ankit, Speak something…… ”

I was just smiling as she still needed poems, the
poems which I used to dedicate her earlier, I was
not able to utter even a single word, I was just
breathing fast due to 6 consecutive cigarettes………

Drishti,” Why have you picked the phone, when
you aren’t interested in talking with me, Haan?
Sorry for disturbing you at night…. Sorry Again,
Atleast Say Gud Nyt to me….. or just one line……...”

I managed to say my usual line for her……..

Jay,” Mai to khud ko bekaraar baar baar karta
hun, Pyaar sirf tum se, pyaar sirf tum se, pyaa karta
hun….. Sun le sda…. Sun le sda….. Sun le sda………”

Drishi,” Jay, You are Jay naa…… I hate you
Jay, I hate you…. These lines not suit on you….
Did you hear that………”

Jay,” Ya You should be, I know I have hurted you
a lot… I don’t want to talk about it, I know you have
moved miles away from me. I was negotiating with
my life during that period, For something I have to
sacrifice my love, my Drishti….. But please don’t ask
me about that thing in place of which I have lost
you, Just I want