feelings for her by Vishal Singh (books to get back into reading .txt) 📕

Maine vaada to nibhaya tha,
Socha kabhi naa sataya tha,
Phir bhi jaane anjaane mein kahin
Tera dil to naa dukhaya tha,
Kaisa dastoor hai jaana,
Sab kuch jaan ke hai sab sehna,
Yaar tujhpe main ye jaan nisaar karta hoon,
Pyar sirf tumse, pyar sirf tumse pyaar karta hoon”

Drishti,” You have correctly said that I have moved
miles, but can you feel the pain, the pain I felt in
moving miles….. I don’t want to know the reason for
which you betrayed me…… I just hate you…. Did
you hear that……….”

Jay,” No, this time I’m not begging you for Love,
this time I’m loving you without expecting you to
Love me, I know you & Ankit both are happy with
each other & I don’t want to become a thorn
between you….. Only thing I need from your side is
one promise that you will remain happy, keep on
smiling through out your life…… ”
Drishti,” Who are you?? Why you love me?? What
makes you to love?? You know love or not? What’s
your problem?? Why aren’t you sure about you??
How can you make yourself feel happy, without
having your love, Please tell me It will help me to
forget about you….. Please…….. ”

Jay,” Tere kadmo k nishaano me, Teri musqaan
ki chaawn me, Tere ruth jaane me, Teri har umadti
ada me, Tere pass aa jaane me ya Tere duur ho
jaane me, Tere khilkhilaate daaman me, Tere
khwaabo k badal me, Tere ashko k sailaab me, Tere
har waade me, Tere paawan saaye me, Teri
dhadhkan me, Teri sehmi sehmi baatoin me, Teri
gehri julfoin me, Teri komal palko me, Teri chuu
lene waali nighaahoin me, Tujhse ki mulaakaatoin
me ………. Bas khud ko dhundhta hun… Ho sakta hai
mai pyaar shabd se bekhabar hun, but mai ye jaanta
hun ki pyaar hamesha hamaare beech hi tha, hai
aur rahega…….. Bas tujhko khush dekh khudko
khush paata hun kyonki pyaar sirf tumse karta hun ”

Drishti,” I hate you….. I hate you….. I’ll hate you my
whole complete life….”

Jay,” Hey, Please aisa na karna kyonki jitni
nafrat ham karteiy hain utna hi hamaara pyaar
gehra ho jaata hai….. Ek tip deta hun, Khud ko
Ankit ki khushi me dhundhna, vahi pyaar hai………..
Ye mujhe bhulaaney me help karega….....”

Drishti,” But what about you then……..”

Jay,” Mera kya hai, Hamesha ki tarah mai tujhey
pyaar karta rahunga, karta rahunga… ”

Drishti,” I want to say one thing to you, May be it is
the last time, I’m talking to you…… I Love you….. I
Love you…… I Love you…… Can I ask for one thing
at last……….”

Jay,” Ya, Sure… You can take my life as it is
already yours…..”

Drishti,” Can you spend this night with me? ”

Jay,” I can spend my whole life, just watching
you…. I’m coming with my guitar, for you………..”

She cut the call, I was feeling like it is the last time,
the last opportunity which God has given me to
spend time with her…….

I took some wooden logs, my guitar & went to OAT
along with her. I put the wood on fire & started
delivering my favorite songs to her one by one,
What a wonderful scene it was, full moon’s light at
top, wooden logs warming us, melody tones
coming out from guitar, her ever lasting smile, my
voice full of Love, I can spend my whole life like this
with her….. She was just very close to me, her head
on my chest, we were living that moment in perfect
sense, with tears coming out of our eyes frequently.
Then she asked me for a promise & like always I was
ready for it, She asked me to run away from her life
& not to show my love for her again… Even she
asked me to avoid her as maximum as possible……
She too knew it was very difficult for both of us,
especially for me. There were tears & tears all
around my face, But if I couldn’t prove my Love,
then I have no right to love anymore…. To her
surprise, I just said : ‘ I will….’ But to my surprise, she
grasped me tight then she kissed me, this time I
too, I don’t know how long it went for, might be for
1 min or 2 min or 3 min or more & I didn’t want to
know also, I was equally loving her….. Then I
dropped her for the last time to Girl’s Hostel, Since
then we never talked to each other ever. That year
ended with the completion of my B.Tech with
Deepak, Ankit & Drishti… I gifted wrist watches
with ‘C+A+D’ marked on it ( C for chiku, A for
Ankit & D for Deepak or you can say Drishti as it is
near to A ) to Deepak & Ankit but not to her just to
keep that promise between us given by me to her
that night. Deepak was crying like a 2 year old baby
who hasn’t got her mother’s love. He didn’t want to
say Gud Bye to me & I too also but we have to face
bitter truth always & then we went for 3 different
directions, Ankit & Drishti to Samsung Banglore,
Deepak to Maaruti Chandigarh, I back to my
father’s company JaypeePvt Ltd. Lucknow.

Yaadi,” So, Sad….. Yaar after all your journey at AIT
came to an end, I know how much you miss it &
now how much you are missing it, But it’s called
Nature Law that Earth rotates continuously, Time
moves forward continuously, Sun & Moon rise &
fall continuously…… Life keeps on moving,
spreading the Love………”

Again Jay is bleeding through mouth & nose…
He throws that burnt bud in his hand, He comes to
mirror & kisses himself, He is finding himself very
weak, even it is looking very difficult for him to go
to the bathroom, He gathers his 200% strength &
reaches bathroom & comes back again…

He lights his 12th cigarette…

Mayur Vihar, Delhi……….
13 Oct, 2014 ; 05:00a.m..

Yaadi,” So, What was waiting for you after AIT,
Your Life, Your World, Your Love…….. ????”

Jay,” After leaving AIT, I joined my father’s
company as Manager. I explained myself that I have
to live my rest of the life by forgetting about my
past, even my love for ECE, Deepak, Ankit &
Drishti….. It is sure how much you criticize your
college, at the end you will miss it. Considering, the
way they had behaved with us at AIT, but atlast
their behavior made the prosperous future of
various students at AIT. Missing you AIT a lot.. Your
canteen, Liberary, Sports Complex, Hostel, almost
everything….. Anyway it was the first opportunity
for me to work for my family, For my Father, For my
Mother’s Love in my heart…. I gave my 200% to
take his company to much above height than he
had expected. I worked there for whole day, with
my best efforts & it was looking in the company’s
monthly benefit, which made my father very happy.
After all it is an engineer brain which can work
everywhere, No matters whether you are a Civil,
Mechanical, Electronics, Electrical or Computer
Engineer you can repair anything……. But I couldn’t
negotiate it with my Love for music which the only
thing, I was Living with except this (Pointing the
cigarette to Yaadi). I used to practice with my
guitar a lot & equally worked on my voice, music
notes, lyrics of the songs.. Then I used to visit some
public bars, pubs etc where I could drink little bit..
Then I went to check the latest updates going-on,
on facebook. Deepak used to share some images
related with friendship & some status showing his
enjoyment at Chandigarh, Even he was planning to
marry also. Ankit & Drishti used to upload albums
with each other, making love at various tourists
places, Sometimes in India & Sometimes outside
the India. I just used to like them only, without
commenting anything just to show my silence….. I
tried a lot to communicate with Ankit, But we never
came online simultaneously, I also stopped caring
about him. Deepak used to call me, about once a
week & I too, But he stopped calling always it was
me who called him. I didn’t know how friends
forget about the word friendship, might be Deepak
was busy with his work… I still needed them, my
friends, This went for about 1 year…………”

Yaadi,” So Sad, You were completely alone again.
Then, what happened, Bhai??? ”

Jay,” No still I wasn’t alone. Still mine cigarette
& guitar was with me. I continued visiting Dublin
Club. But, this time there was something new with
that club. There was a girl singing & playing guitar
for crowd, The way she was playing guitar was very
simillar to me which attracted me towards her. I
started visiting that club regularly not for drink but
just for her singing. I could feel the same pain in her
song with which I used to sing at night. She was like
Drug for me as She used to take leave for Sunday,
which always made me restless, I started loving her
voice. Yaadi, One of her favourite song which she
used to sing & play with guitar, I sing for you…….

Tujhe dekh dekh sona,
Tujhe dekh kar hain jagna,
Maine yeh zindagani,
Sang tere bitaani,
Tujhmein basi hain meri jaan haai,
Jiya dhadak dhadak, Jiya dhadak dhadak,
dhadak dhadak Jaayen………………………….”

Yaadi,” Awsm, Yaar She is looking, someone like
you… Like she is passing through the same situation
with which you were passing……”

Jay,”No Yaadi, She was passing through much
worst condition than I was living with….. Just listen,
I became habitual of her singing but one day, she
was not there, I waited for her to come but she
didn’t come that whole week. I guessed she was
singing for money, might be she has found some
other job with good salary. I instantly Octided that
I’ll pay her for every hour 10,000 Rupees….. I
searched for her a lot, but I couldn’t find her. One
day, I was driving to Shaheed Bhagat Singh,
Hospital for my Dad’s regular check-up, suddenly
my eyes caught a familiar face, There she was - the
singer of Dublin Club, she was pregnant & it was
her delivery time…. I helped her mother & doctor
to take her to the operation room, where she gave
Birth to her son…. I was wrong, she was also from a
rich family, her father was, retired D.G.P. of our
city… Her mother told me her complete story, She
was Saumya- a girl of words, in her college time
she fell in love with a boy who betrayed her after
living in relationship for just 2 years with her. I don’t
know who to blame…..

Boys like him are just black
spot on humanity who consider love to be a game,
they compare its value with physical relation not
with relation of heart. They have made Love
something like fun, they enjoy it & forget it equally.
They think that only beautiful girls are one whom
you can love, But what the f**k is this, Love has
nothing to do with physical beauty. You might have
listened so many comments on Girls, What this
f**king mentality is, they are sick they need
treatement….. Also, Girls like her should change
their mental state, they go mad for those who have
Bikes, Good-physique, purse with money, fake
smile, name & fame etc without knowing their
reality. It’s not like that all boys are same, there are
boys who don’t have looks, bikes, 6-pack abbs,
money but they have love, love no one can match,
they are so rich in that context that even richest
man on earth can’t compare him with those mad
lovers. Ya Yaadi, It’s true……. After investigating
about her, I got to know that the boy who had
cheated on her wanted just her body not her love
from the very first look to her, & there was also a
boy, Akshit who used to love her not her body, He
was very poor all he could give was his true love. He
had no money to spend on him, on his looks,
bikes…… He used to work as waiter at the same
Dublin club & a drummer too to earn some money
for his livelihood & mainly to see her. He was a
passionate lover which I got to know when he
started telling me