Lavengro by George Borrow (read me a book txt) 📕

villainous deeds of the Scotch nation; cow-stealing, for example, which is very little better than drabbing baulor; whilst the softer part is mostly about the slips of its females among the broom, so that no upholder of Scotch poetry could censure Ursula’s song253 as indelicate, even if he understood it. What do you think, Jasper?”

“I think, brother, as I before said, that occasionally you utter a word of common sense; you were talking of the Scotch, brother; what do you think of a Scotchman finding fault with Romany?”

“A Scotchman finding fault with Romany, Jasper! Oh dear, but you joke, the thing could never be.”

“Yes, and at Piramus’s fiddle; what do you think of a Scotchman turning up his nose at Piramus’s fiddle?”

“A Scotchman turning up his nose at Piramus’s fiddle! nonsense, Jasper.”

“Do you know what I most dislike, brother?”

“I do not, unless it be the constable, Jasper.”

“It is not the constable; it’s a beggar on horseback, brother.”

“What do you mean by a beggar on horseback?”

“Why, a scamp, brother, raised above his proper place, who takes every opportunity of giving himself fine airs. About a week ago, my people and myself camped on a green by a plantation in the neighbourhood of a great house. In the evening we were making merry, the girls were dancing, while Piramus was playing on the fiddle a tune of his own composing, to which he has given his own name, Piramus of Rome, and which is much celebrated amongst our people, and from which I have been told that one of the grand gorgio composers, who once heard it, has taken several hints. So, as we were making merry, a great many grand people, lords and ladies, I believe, came from the great house, and looked on, as the girls danced to the tune of Piramus of Rome, and seemed much pleased; and when the girls had left off dancing, and Piramus playing, the ladies wanted to have their fortunes told; so I bade Mikailia Chikno, who can tell a fortune when she pleases better than anyone else, tell them a fortune, and she, being in a good mind, told them a fortune which pleased them very much. So, after they had heard their fortunes, one of them asked if any of our women could sing; and I told them several could, more particularly Leviathan⁠—you know Leviathan, she is not here now, but some miles distant; she is our best singer, Ursula coming next. So the lady said she should like to hear Leviathan sing, whereupon Leviathan sang the Gudlo pesham, and Piramus played the tune of the same name, which as you know, means the honeycomb, the song and the tune being well entitled to the name, being wonderfully sweet. Well, everybody present seemed mighty well pleased with the song and music, with the exception of one person, a carroty-haired Scotch body; how he came there I don’t know, but there he was; and, coming forward, he began in Scotch as broad as a barn-door to find fault with the music and the song, saying, that he had never heard viler stuff than either. Well, brother, out of consideration for the civil gentry with whom the fellow had come, I held my peace for a long time, and in order to get the subject changed, I said to Mikailia in Romany, you have told the ladies their fortunes, now tell the gentlemen theirs, quick, quick⁠—pen lende dukkerin. Well, brother, the Scotchman, I suppose, thinking I was speaking ill of him, fell into a greater passion than before, and catching hold of the word dukkerin⁠—‘Dukkerin,’ said he, ‘what’s dukkerin?’ ‘Dukkerin,’ said I, ‘is fortune, a man or woman’s destiny; don’t you like the word?’ ‘Word! d’ye ca’ that a word? a bonnie word,’ said he. ‘Perhaps you’ll tell us what it is in Scotch,’ said I, ‘in order that we may improve our language by a Scotch word; a pal of mine has told me that we have taken a great many words from foreign lingos.’ ‘Why, then, if that be the case, fellow, I will tell you; it is e’en “spaeing,” ’ said he very seriously. ‘Well, then,’ said I, ‘I’ll keep my own word, which is much the prettiest⁠—spaeing! spaeing! why, I should be ashamed to make use of the word, it sounds so much like a certain other word;’ and then I made a face as if I were unwell. ‘Perhaps it’s Scotch also for that?’ ‘What do ye mean by speaking in that guise to a gentleman?’ said he, ‘you insolent vagabond, without a name or a country.’ ‘There you are mistaken,’ said I; ‘my country is Egypt, but we ’Gyptians, like you Scotch, are rather fond of travelling; and as for name⁠—my name is Jasper Petulengro, perhaps you have a better; what is it?’ ‘Sandy Macraw.’ At that, brother, the gentlemen burst into a roar of laughter, and all the ladies tittered.”

“You were rather severe on the Scotchman, Jasper.”

“Not at all, brother, and suppose I were, he began first; I am the civilest man in the world, and never interfere with anybody, who lets me and mine alone. He finds fault with Romany, forsooth! why, L⁠⸺⁠d A’mighty, what’s Scotch? He doesn’t like our songs; what are his own? I understand them as little as he mine; I have heard one or two of them, and pretty rubbish they seemed. But the best of the joke is, the fellow’s finding fault with Piramus’s fiddle⁠—a chap from the land of bagpipes finding fault with Piramus’s fiddle! Why, I’ll back that fiddle against all the bagpipes in Scotland, and Piramus against all the bagpipers; for though Piramus weighs but ten stone, he shall flog a Scotchman of twenty.”

“Scotchmen are never so fat as that,” said I, “unless, indeed, they have been a long time pensioners of England. I say, Jasper, what remarkable names your people have!”

“And